Wow, Can Someone Say Lactating?

Went to visit babies this morning and because nurse told us yesterday we can start holding McKenna daily after a feeding, i was sure to quickly ask if it would be possible to do so this morning instead of waiting until this afternoon and not being able to. She said yes. I could hardly wait.

Luckily I wore my button up sweater this morning, so I didn't have to sit there naked from the waist up to kangaroo her. However, As soon as I took my bra off and slid my tank top down under my sweater I could feel my breasts leaking the milk. No biggie though, I thought. I can wait because next feeding/pumping wasn't suppose to be for another hour.

So the nurse tucked baby McKenna into my sweater, threw some hot blankets on top of her and left us for an hour to bond. Oh my...I loved it. I could hear her breathing, see her little head bobbing with each breath, and she kept doing the tiniest little snore. So precious.

So as I am sitting there, about thirty minutes into it, I start to feel the sides of my sweater getting wet. Oh no...the leaking has continued, and continued for the next hour. My sweat was literally soaked on the sides, so rather than concentrating on how precious my little girl was and how excited I was to hold her, I was thinking about how wet my sweater was and how I wish I had a bottle to hold up to each boob because I was losing precious milk to feed my babies.

An hour and a half into holding McKenna (with her only having one heart desiliration) the nurse came to check on me. I felt awful sending her back into her incubator and wish I could have held her for another hour and a half, but my milk supply had a different plan. So, hesitantly I asked her to take McKenna back and I walked into the nursing/pumping room with tears in my eyes that I couldn't hold her longer but grateful I got to hold her at all.

Hoping tonight they will let me hold Keaton. I go through withdrawls if I am away from the babies more than a few hours, and now that I have held them both I am even more attached, but feel so guilty if I hold one and not the other. If I can't hold him tonight, hoping they will at least let me tomorrow morning.