Sunday, March 2, 2008

Feeling Positive

I recently had the opportunity to reconnect with a high school girlfriend via texting and cell phone and I am thrilled. She was always a wonderful Christian influence and it was encouraging to see that she is not only still living for the Lord but going full force. God is good to help us reconnect.

She updated me on life and all it's mysteries and after updates on my end of course asked the question that EVERYONE asks...when are you going to have children. really didn't want to have the long drawn out explanation and go into all the details, but did, and afterward felt really positive for the first time in a long time about the situation. i feel that i have done really well with keeping the mentality the entire time that God is in control and in HIS timing we will be parents, and in His way. But i continually struggle with the depression or the idea of not being a mother someday becoming extremely overwhelmng, but again, for whatever reason God really used Nicole to make me feel a peace for the first time in a long time. I am greatful for that.

So in a week or two i will start my cycle and will most likely be upset and sad and cry, but also taking courage and strength knowing that in a month kyle can do another testing and we will be able to determine if the surgery worked or if we need to consider other options. so waiting, as i have been for the past two years, but none the less, waiting with hope.