Down and Frustrated

When my mom is down or discouraged she always says, "I am going to allow myself 24 hours to feel this way, then I am done. I am not going to stay here long." That's the attitude I need to apply to my life right now. Feeling really discouraged and down about McKenna's lack of progress with the feedings. She started opening her mouth, which is a huge step forward as everyone reminds me, but that was several months ago. She still spits out any food that goes in her mouth and swallows less food with an open mouth then when her mouth was closed. I feel frustrated and tired of trying to feed her everyday and I know tomorrow I will once again sit her down three different times, get out several different foods for her to taste and she will fight me on opening her mouth, or will open her mouth and spit out all the food. Doing my best to be thankful for the progress she has made. Trying to focus on the thought that when she moves forward in one area (crawling and sitting up) she will go back in another (eating) but that doesn't really encourage me. And she really hasn't gone backward, she just is maintaining where she has been the past few months.

So, something positive, today she tasted chocolate milk and didn't gag or retch on it. She took over 30 sips of it and although they were very small sips, they were still sips and I am grateful for that.

McKenna doesn't open her mouth wide, but she is at least cracking it open and although that has been happening several months now it is still a step in the right direction and something that she needs to do inorder to get to the next step - swallowing food.

McKenna isn't swallowing the food, but she is trying new flavors - chicken, green beans, broccoli...which is a great step too because she shouldn't be stuck on apple/blueberry mixture forever.

So there are positives, and she is truly doing her best and I know that. I just need to allow myself to be down for 24 hours and cry and vent and then move forward knowing tomorrow could just be the day the Lord choses to heal her.