Our Blessings

Lately God has really reminded me of the amazing blessing we received when our fertility treatments worked. Several friends (three now) have gone through the process once, twice or sometimes even three times and have come back with negative results and it breaks my heart. I can relate to the desire to be a mom, to the desire to carry a baby and feel it kick and move and watch it grow as my belly expands. I can relate to wanting the stretch marks, back aches, vommitting throughout the night, labor pains, weird cravings and everything else that goes with pregnancy. I can relate to the desire to be a mom and hearing the words that you most likely won't be able to have kids and the pain and stress and frustrating and heartache that comes with infertility. But, I can't relate to paying thousands of dollars and coming back with negative test results, or the pain of knowing that fertiility treatments won't work. All I can do is cry for these friends and pray for their miracle to come, whether through their own conception, other fertility treatments or adoption. My heart goes out to these couples and at the same time reminds me of what miracles we have been blessed with!

Just Like That

Can't help but laugh when I think about the blessing God gave us yesterday. Was completely unexpected and left me laughing and crying and shouting for you. McKenna learned last week to sit up from the laying position. This is a huge step forward as most kids are doing this around six to eight months. Then last week at therapy, Jean said we were going to start working on rolling to get to things, and crawling although she anticipated it would be a while before McKenna was able to crawl.

So yesterday afternoon Kyle went to take a nap and I was sitting on the floor playing with the kids. Keaton started throwing our DVDs everywhere and one was out of McKenna's reach. She leaned forward to get it. Couldn't reach it still, so she leaned forward more and then started pulling her butt forward, or scooting it, while pulling her body with her arms.

Immediately I started screaming, "She's crawling, Kyle, She's crawling." Kyle ran out and just as he reached the living room McKenna got up on her knees, with her butt still really close to the ground and started moving each knee one at a time forward - probably only an inch at a time, but it was crawling. Yes, yesterday my daughter crawled for the first time. And she did it a couple other times later throughout the night. One of the times I even managed to get on video to send to grandparents.

So after fifteen months my daughter is finally attempting to crawl. Can't believe that just last week she learned to sit, this week is learning to crawl and then next wouldn't be surprised if she started walking. Things are starting to click for her and come together finally. She is watching Keaton continually move around and it seems like she finally wants to move around herself.

Then, in addition to an evening of crawling, McKenna took bites/tastes of chicken with chicken gravy baby food. This one I am completely shocked at because she really doesn't eat anything but the blueberries/apple mixture. But the speech therapist said we need to start introducing other tastes and get her eating other things. So this week we have tried sweet potatoes (She will do occasional bites of them if they are not warm but she really doesn't like them), chocolate yogurt, blueberry yogurt and pears. And she licks mommy and daddy's ice creams. Will try the chicken mix again today and then hopefully tomorrow can introduce a green vegetable.

I think it's important to note when I say she is eating these other foods she is not really "Eating" them. She will open her mouth, allow the food in and then spit most of it out. BUT at least she is opening her mouth and I just keep think that eventually we will find a food that she likes so much she doesn't spit it out.

Still praying for her to start eating. We want that Mic-Key button gone! Unlikely, but praying that we can have a miracle and it will be gone by December when we go home to MT for the holidays, but hey, miracles DO happen. Also praying the retching stops. She is averaging 4-5 a day. Her numbers have gone back up due to the increase in volume during each feed, and each feed takes an hour, but she only has one night feed, which was our goal, but now we just have to pray for her to learn to tolerate the food enough to allow her to not retch.

Nice

OH my goodness, how adorable is my son? Not sure if I included the word "Nice" in the list of words that he says, however it seems to be one of his favorites.

McKenna's favorite thing to do is "pet" Keaton. She rubs his head, taps his shoulders, touches his face. She is very gentle with him (other than the times she does that to lead into pulling back on his collar to choke him - no joke). So when she is doing these sweet gestures I say, "Yes, nice McKenna. McKenna be nice," to help reminder her that choking is not the necessary next step.

Well Keaton has picked up on it. So he now goes around gently slapping McKenna in the face or on the arm and saying, "nice, nice." It's hard not to laugh and to decide whether desciplining is in order. Can't tell if he is trying to be nice or is being mean and thinking he can cover it up with the word.

So yesterday, I decided to face my fears head on while an itsy bitsy spider dangled over Keaton's highchair that he was sitting on. Yes, i killed the spider...with my barehand. I slapped it against the wall. If I didn't do it right then I feared it getting away or landing on Keaton. And right as I did it Keaton yelled out "Nice!" whether he was meaning nice as in nice job or nice as in be nice mommy, it was hilarious and made me forget that I had actually just killed a nasty eight legged insect.

Then last night Keaton kept getting into the cabinet under the kitchen sink and I couldn't find the childproof tool he had hidden so I told him if he opened it one more time (he takes out the carpet cleaners and wants to play with the bottles) I was going to slap his hand. Of course, being a baby Keaton went right back to the cabinet and opened it so I followed through with my threat and hit his hand. "NICE...NICE...NICE" Keaton started to say so stearnly. Yes, this time I knew he was meaing for me to BE nice! He is so cute.

Few other words he is obssesed with are up, off and mess. He is continually wanting to be picked up (which I absolutely love), wanting to shut the lights off, close the door "off" (yes off instead of shut), or take the rings off the stacker". And Mess - he points at his tray during meals and says mess over and over, and does the same thing when looking at McKenna's tray, or when he comes in livingroom and sees his toys all over. Guess mommy needs to cut back on saying that term. Don't want him becoming OCD or thinking messes are a bad thing.

Big Week, FINALLY

Wow, what a great week it has been. It is so rewarding when you work toward something for so long and finally start to see progrees. So here is the latest with my little twins...

Keaton, oh he is so big. A few weeks ago he weighed 22 lb 6 oz. He has grown and is the sweetest little boy. He gives kisses when requested (which is really just opening his mouth and then full force face into yours) and is a great hugger. His tantrums are getting a bit worse, so this week we implamented time-out. Yes, he is only fifteen months, but it has to start sometime, right? So when he throws his tantrum I usually just ignore him but this week a few times I picked him up and put him in his crib for a minute, or until he calmed down and that seemed to work. I don't expect it will continue to work, but hey, willing to keep trying.

Also this week Keaton decided to start walking. While he has taken steps here and there or from mommy to daddy he really hasn't gotten the drive to walk from object to object or place to place. Then Monday it all just clicked for him. He is walking everywhere. Don't get me wrong, he does still crawl a majority of the time, but he will pull himself to stand and walk to the couch, tables, tv, etc and he loves standing on his own too. He gets so proud of himself and has the largest grin. Man my son is adorable.

Keaton also decided this was the week to expand his vocabulary. If you tell him to say something, he does his best to repeat it or really tries hard to sound it out. He says night night, bu bye, nice, mess, oh man, frog (Which sounds like the "F" word), book, no, meow (sounds like mauw), mama, dada, nana, chef, fork, bite and a few other words...so he has really picked up a lot.

And McKenna, she has been pushed so hard lately with switching to Myer Center for therapy and we are finally seeing rewards. This week she pushed herself up into sitting position from her belly a few times. Then today all of a sudden she was doing in repeatidly. I even found her sitting up in her crib during nap time - she couldn't figure out how to get back down. So proud of her.

And her speech is improving too. She still doesn't talk, other than mama, but she is starting to babbly a little more, which is such a blessing to hear and she has the cutest little voice.

This week McKenna also decided she is done with afternoon naps. That's right, she thinks that an hour morning nap (two if I am reallllly lucky) is enough to get her through the day. She is cranky and tired around 6 pm which is way too late for a nap, so if she doesn't sleep at 3 then she is forced to stay up until 7:30 or 8. Wouldn't mind that as much if she slept better through the night. She actually has improved on sleeping through the night now that she only gets one feed at 10 pm and then is done by 11, but she still tosses and turns quite a bit until around 7 am, when Keaton wakes up, and then she sleeps until 8:30 or this morning it was until 9.

And, drum roll, McKenna ate a couple cheerios today. Gave her a cheerio and lately she will touch it to her tongue. So I gave her one and walked away to do dishes and she started gagging/Retching. Ran over to her and she had put the whole thing in her mouth, it melted and she was trying to get it out before she had to swallow it. But after that little episode she grabbed another cheerio and put it in, only this time she sucked it until it desolved. That's huge. And she did it two other times. SO excited. The feedings are so draining and I really needed her to do that! Even if it was only tonight.

So what are we working on still with McKenna and therapy? This week we are trying to get her rolling more for objects. She knows how to roll, but she lacks motivation. SO we are rolling, rolling and rolling some more. We are working on her sitting up from laying down position. This includes from back leaning to the side and sitting up, and from belly scooting back to one knee and pushing up. Currently (meaning today only pretty much) she can push herself into a W and work her legs around one at a time.

We are also working on crawling. Poor lil Mickey wants to move around so bad. She is finally breaking out of her comfort zone of sitting straight up and has started leaning forward and leaning to the sides so the therapist thought it would be good to start working with her on crawling. So rolling, sitting, crawling and standing. Getting her to stand from a knee stance to feet. And on top of all that, which takes at least a few hours a day of hard work, we are trying to get her to eat still, so we are implamenting new foods this week - pears and chocolate yogurt so far have been doable. Will hopefully try a vegetable this week and see how she does.

Keaton we are still working with increasing his vocabulary, his walking/standing on his own, fine motor skills like putting coins in a slot and on sharing which he really needs to learn.

I feel like such a blessed mother today! Grateful for my babies! Grateful for the chance to raise these two beautiful kids and for a husband that allows me to stay home with them all day.

Another Change

McKenna's retching continue to increase and so does our stress. We are fed up with the episodes and feel completely helpless when it comes to resolving this for McKenna. We want answers and can't seem to get any from doctors or research. And the only answer that does seem to continue to show up is slow down the feeds, decrease the quantity.

So with her retching nearly doubling over the past few weeks, today I caved in and have agreed to slow down her feeds so it will take an hour for her to receive full feed. It is really hard for me to do that and makes me so sad, but every time she retches I just want to cry, so willing to slow it down if this could possibly help.

I am not caving in altogether though. While I did slow down the feed I increased the quantity. She was getting 160 ml at 280 ml/hr three times a day with a six hour night feed of 210 ml. In an attempt to help her feel and understand hunger our goal is to eliminate the night feed completely. So today while changing it to an hour long feed I increased the quantity to 200 ml she will get at 220 ml/hr three times a day with a 10 pm feed of 120 ml over about 45 minutes. So she should be completely done with her night feed by 11 pm. I am anxious and nervous to try this. Hopeful this will increase appetite and help get her going on eating, but a little fearful as it is always scary to try something new.

If nothing else, we are hoping that the cord not sticking in her belly all night will help her sleep better. McKenna still is not sleeping well and that is such a crucial part of development...good sleep.

Their First Swim

The inlaws have a neighborhood pool and I have been itching to take the babies in it since they both love bath time so much. Planned to go when my mom was here, then when Ashlee was here and neither of those times worked and Susie offered to watch a baby while I took the other one swimming. While this wasn't ideal to do it one at a time, I was willing to do whatever needed to get them in the water.

So, today it's 95 out and the sun is scorching down on us and Susie watched the babies while I ran errands. When I got home she asked if we were going to do the pool today, so I jumped at the opportunity. Got the babies all ready after their lunch, loaded the sunscreen and met Susie at the pool to find her wearing JEAN capris and a tshirt. I assumed she wouldn't do a bathing suit, but was surprised she was wearing jeans.

Anyhow, we got up to the swim area and they have a covered table area and she laid a towel down and said she would sit with one baby while I took the other to the pool. I feel bad because I was a little rude, but it's 95 DEGREES and a baby sitting out in the shade in that weather just wasn't acceptable to me, so I said, okay well let me get McKenna use to the water, then I will come grab Keaton and just take them both swimming at the same time. Susie agreed.

Luckily though within a few minuets of me having McKenna in the water susie was sitting with her feet in the water and holding Keaton between her legs so he could sit in the water too. SO long story longer, we got both babies in the pool at the same time. They loveeeed it. They kicked, splashed, cooed, and had a grand time. We only stayed there about 45 minutes but it was perfect. I am so blessed to have a mother-in-law that is eager to help and that loves her grandbabies so much! Can't wait for our next pool trip.

What a Month

This month has been crazy busy and filled with a lot of joy, stress, and sickness.

Mom and Mandie came to visit mid-May. It was great to see Mom and the kids ate up every minute and word she shared with them. She laughed the entire time at all that they do; she helped with changing diapers, feeding the kids, and tiring them out for good naps. She even was able to witness Keaton's first steps.

Mandie was "sick" the entire time, so she slept most of it, spent her time outside or working on a contract for her daycare. It was a real disappointment to us that we flew her here and then she hardly spent any time with us. Praying she gets better by Christmas so we can enjoy her.

Keaton got sick and had a temperature of 103 for four days. He puke all over the living room floor a couple times, ate little food, was fussy and didn't sleep well. He lost a few ounces which doesn't sound like a lot but it really thinned out his belly. Luckily after the virus passed though he was back to his playful energetic self.

Keaton loves Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and eats huge spoonfuls, sometimes not even taking time to chew before swallowing. He loves breakfast bars too - his favorite is blueberry. He still eats yogurt continually - vanilla bean fluffy is 160 calories so we do that to help him maintain his weight. He will occasionally eat spaghettios although he is getting sick of them. And that's about the extent of his diet...mainly because I have no idea what to feed him and I am not that healthy of an eater, so we really need to work on that. May try Chicken strips this week, although a bit nervous he will choke on them.

Keaton took his first step mid-May and loves the challenge of learning to walk. He smiles ear to ear, claps his hands and giggles when he takes a step without holding on to anything, or if he stands without holding. Last night he took 6 steps and daddy was even there to witness it.

Keaton is starting to get very possessive and jealous. He doesn't like it when McKenna gets a toy, book or attention. Apparently he thinks we should ignore her and pay attention to only him. He fusses, cries and throws a little tantrum which we just ignore. And occasionally he goes over and hits McKenna now...luckily for her though she is starting to get the drive to fight back, so I don't imagine he will continue bullying her for long. But that's a tricky thing...do I let him take toys from her and hit her because she needs to learn to stand up for herself, or do I punish him? I end up doing a little of both. My mom says we need to spend more time teaching them to share. I say they need to learn that if they want something they should go for it. And McKenna getting to play with a toy and Keaton trying to take it, well shouldn't she let him take it so she learns to share too? The tricks of parenting...hmmm.

Keaton is our little comedian. He is so funny and makes us laugh on a continual basis. The way he eats, facial expressions, noises, laughs, games, aggression...just about everything he does he seems to be looking for a positive reaction from it.

McKenna is a spitball. She is very stubborn, just like her mommy. She knows what she wants and fusses or whimpers until she gets it. She has a devious grin and always looks like she is plotting something. She raises just one eyebrow to get her point across. It's very comical.

McKenna still retches a lot (average 5 times a day) and it's stressful on us that there hasn't been any improvement with that. We are working on cutting out her night feed to see if that helps since a majority of her retches are during morning. To do that though it means increasing quantity during day feeds and that doesn't go over well with her. Is causing a few more retches than normal, but she is also sick so that could be why retching has increased. But currently we are doing feeds every 4 1/2 hours...8:30 am, 1 pm, 5:30 pm, 10 pm, 2:30 am...makes for a long day/night.

McKenna is doing a lot better on her bites. She is taking 35 breakfast, 45 lunch and dinner. Bites are getting a little bigger to where i would call them bites, not just tastes, and she is actually starting to open her mouth for a majority of them. Although she still spits most of the food out of her mouth rather than swallowing it. Again, since she is sick right now is struggling more with the bites. Only was able to get her to take three bites this morning and she retched after each one, so we stopped.

So McKenna has the cold Keaton had a couple weeks ago. Her temp has been around 102 and it is going on day three. I think her fever is finally breaking, but she cries when she coughs so most likely has a sore and swollen throat.

It has been difficult because for the first 12 months we were discouraged from bringing them in public or having people over. Now we are allowed to do that stuff, but if we do it we know they are going to be sick all the time because they haven't built up an immune system. SO, we will continue to bring them out, although Kyle would prefer we don't, and hopefully by the time we get to Flu Season Fall we will have a little more cushion and they will be stronger.

McKenna started sessions with the new Speech Therapist last Friday at Myer Center - No more Oxford Home Health. During the evaluation I did the feeding, and then again during the first session. Curious to see if that is how it will always be. Makes since for me to do the feeding since I am the one that does it at home, but the woman didn't give me any direction or advice, other than to follow what First Steps is telling me to do. Not sure what her thinking is behind that, but hoping to get courage to say something if that is how it is again this week. Don't really care to waste our time, energy and money if all I am doing is taking her to a different location so I can feed and someone can sit and watch without helping. She is suppose to be the best...not sure who has deemed her as that.

We start with the new Physical Therapist on June 22 so we are really excited about that and one of our friend's sons sees this PT and says how amazing she is, so that makes me a bit more hopeful than I am about the ST.

The kids went to their first bday party for a friend. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work getting them there and out. Not sure how I could have done it without Kyle! He was a trooper and a huge help. And THAT has been our month. Hoping for a healthier and more productive next thirty days