Growing Up Too Fast

I have been so sad all day just thinking about how quickly my babies are growing up. I am nervous I am not holding them and cuddling them enough. What will happen in five, ten, fifteen years when they don't think it's cool to hang with mommy anymore and they just want to be with their friends and dating and running around? I knew that I would love motherhood, but the reality of it is that it is far more than I could have ever imagined. I am so blessed to have two wonderful, beautiful babies that are alive and breathing without machines, and cognitive, and loving...they are so sweet and loving!!! They smiles, and laugh and act like life is perfect.

Thankful for my babies. Thankful to be a mom. Thankful for another day that I can hold them, hug them, squeeze them and tell them how much mommy loves them!

My Bestest Friend in the Whole World

This time last year my best friend was visiting from Chicago and we were painting pictures for the nursery. Sharon ate junk food with me, laid on the couch and bummed out. She didn't complain about a laid back trip or that she was bored or anxious to get home. She was supportive, loving and acted totally interested in all my boring stories and thoughts about the babies.

Kyle was out of town for business, so Sharon went with me to the doctor to do an ultra-sound (was having them every couple weeks) and it was that visit that we found out McKenna was not growing as fast as Keaton and there was possible cause for concern.

I went out of the ultra sound room to the waiting room while we waited to discuss with the doctor what was going on and I couldn't help but cry in fear of what the future would hold for my babies. So grateful Sharon was there to comfort me and make me laugh through it all.

God has truly blessed me by bringing Sharon into my life. I can't imagine what life would have been like if ten years ago He didn't make us roommates. It is just another daily reminder for me that He sees the big picture and all we have is a small glimpse into what each day holds.

Thanks Sharon for being my bestest friend in the whole wide world.

New Feedings

Speech Therapist, Robin, brought a book for me to read on feeding McKenna homemade "forumla" which is really babyfoods or pureed foods through the tube. Book is several hundred pages, so only read a couple today, but started this afternoon by putting applesauce in with her forumla to see if her belly can handle applesauce. She is getting 1 spoon applesauce for every ounce of milk. That's more than book suggested but I think she will be able to handle it. curious to see if this helps her retching. She had four yesterday, four retches today.

And today on tummy time McKenna held her head up for 1 minute 45 seconds. I was the most pathetic proud mommy ever and was sure she knew it.

Blue Gums and a Fever

My poor lil man...101.9 fever and I didn't notice it until tonight. Wonder how long he had it. Hopefully not the entire day. And he is getting a tooth (which is hopefully the cause of the fever rather than a virus) and the upper gum is black and blue where the tooth is coming in. Looks really painful. Anxious for the night to see if he makes it or wakes crying and miserable. And praying that when he wakes in the morning the fever is gone, bruising gone and tooth has popped.

She's Trying

McKenna is trying so hard to say MaMa. It's fun to watch. She will put her lips together and move them like she is trying but 99% of the time forgets to add sound to it. Today though she finally added sound and said mama several times. It was so cute. Of course I do realize she has no idea what it means yet, but I am just so excited to hear her make a noise and one that isn't her just saying ahhhhhhhhhhhhh or squealing.

We have yet ANOTHER tummy time tool that First Steps brought for us. It's called Squiggles, I think. Basically it is a padded flat thing she lays on and then they put a tube noodle under her chest to encourage her to push up, velcro her but and legs down so she can't squirm out of it, and padded things around her knees so she can't move them. Honestly I don't think it has done much good. But then again I only used it once Monday (While therapist was here) and once Tuesday. Have been trying to use the thing I got from Walmart that is a floating disk she lays on and she can spin herself around. That works sometimes. She like spinning herself but doesn't hold head up very long. Really anxious for her to strengthen this area so she can eventually roll and crawl. She still only rolls from belly to back, not back to belly, and doesn't even do that very often.

She had only two reallllly bad retches yesterday, which is great! Kyle is in NY this week for business, so I am back to practicing my ignore her retching and act like I don't hear or see her doing it to see if it helps. She has only had two bad ones so far again today, but it's only 3:30 so won't be surprised if she has more, but grateful if she doesn't!

Can't believe they are almost a year old. Last year I was feeding the babies every three hours and it took 45 minutes to an hour to prepare food/feed and change diapers per baby, so sleep REALLY didn't happen. Grateful that last night for the first time in a long time I got a good night of sleep. McKenna still doesn't sleep well, so that means I don't either, but it is still way more sleep than I use to get, so I can't complain.

Crawling and Chatting

Wow what a week for Keaton. He has done so well. We started really working with him crawling instead of just belly creeping just last week. Then yesterday it clicked and he is crawling more and more. Of course he still loves his creeping, but it's fun to see the crawling happening more each day.

Keaton started babbling more too. He still says just the mama, dada, baba, nana but he goes on and on with it and thinks he is having a conversation. It's so cute, though it does get frustrating when he decides to talk with a mouth full of food. Actually lately he hasn't been eating well either. We have to turn on a show "Brainy Baby" to distract him from playing enough to sit down and drink a bottle. Then when it comes to food he fake gags and throws tantrum when we try to feed him. So difficult and a little nerve racking since we have one kid that doesn't eat. Praying he doesn't become like McKenna with food.

So THIS is what it's like?

Wow...tears in my eyes...only ONE retch yesterday and only a couple "gags" throughout the day. We are so grateful, especially after last weekend being so extremely horrible.

Speech Therapy came Wednesday - Holly with Oxford - and got McKenna to take several larger tastes of peaches. She was able to shove the entire spoon in McKenna's mouth without causing her to gag or retch. Most of the food fell off onto McKenna's mouth and chin, but she was allowing the spoon in with less resistance then normal. What a joy it was to see, although frustrating that McKenna won't allow mommy to do that. Of course when Holly left I attempted to do the same thing that night and was not successful.

Yesterday, Thursday, Speech Therapist Robin from First Steps came to work with McKenna and I reported how well she did for Holly. I think the competitive side of Robin came out because she was more forceful with McKenna than normal, which I was actually grateful for. And, to my surprise, she allowed it. Gagged small, very fake sounding gags only twice during the feeding. She showed me a new technique to try and when I attempted feeds at noon and in the evening it worked. She took several tastes for me and last night even opened her mouth twice. Wish I would have had more on my spoon during those two times. Hahaha.

Excited to try the feeding today and see if that plays a role with the retching. Perhaps having actual food in her belly rather than just formula helped decrease the quantity? (of course as I am typing this she just started retching, sigh...)

Several people have emailed or texted that they are fasting for our baby girl, which is such an amazing and humbling thing to hear. Brings me to tears to think that people have such faith and trust that God will heal her and truly puts me in my place. So, Sunday decided if others are doing it, I should no doubt do it as well. Monday started my five day fast for McKenna's retching to end, eating to start and tummy time to improve in order to give her back/shoulder/arm strength. I don't expect things to get better overnight due to fasting. Or even over the next week or two. Truly doing it just to show God I have faith in HIM that in HIS time McKenna will be healed, and I am putting full trust and faith in HIM. Ready for my baby girl to be healed, to crawl to daddy and try to eat his food, or to roll over to Keaton and pull the toys out of HIS hands for once instead of the other way around.