beginning

Finally opening Where do you begin a blog? with the recap of what you have gone through or the onlook of what is to come? Perhaps a mixture of both would allow one to truly understand my heart and mentality at this point in life, but that sounds rather scary and risky to me to allow someone to enter my mind when i don't even really know where i stand right now. My biggest struggle in life is none other than the monthly reminder that I am not a mother, and the undending question of whether or not i will ever meet that goal in my life. Name it claim it is the famous saying and as a woman of faith i feel that as though i am in the wrong to question whether or not we will one day be parents to our own flesh and blood, yet the other side of my head is continually reminding me that we have been trying for 20 months now and our chances are rather slim. I do know one thing. if i ever have the chance to carry a baby in my womb i will not take it for granted and will thank the Lord above daily for my miracle. That being said, i suppose i have to also believe that if my miracle never comes, the Lord is still in control and it is not that he is not workng in me, nor is it that miracles are not happening in my life...rather he has an alternative plan. right? I once heard a preacher say to never pray for patience unless you want to be tested. I find myself reminding God daily that i am not a patient person, nor do i want to even attempt to be, yet time and time again my patience is tried. So, twenty months have gone, and many more will pass, but today i am doing my best to cling to God and the Promise that he is not only in control but he does not give us more than we can handle.