Yesterday afternoon i received news that yet another friend is pregnant. while i rejoice with her in the blessing that the Lord has given them, i can't help but sturggle on my end with jealousy. Tears welled up in my eyes and i wanted to shut my office door and just allow myself to sulk and be depressed, but instead i put a smile on my face, thanked the Lord for the blessing and said a quick prayer for our own blessing some day soon. the rest of the day i did my best to pretend all was okay but that little voice inside of me kept screaming out with fear that I may never know that joy.
I knew that when i got home i should probably email them a congrats and let them know that i am praying for them (as i truly will be) and that my thoughts are with them as they go through this exciting time in their life, but each time i went to type i couldn't help but once again start crying.
This morning i opened my emails to see the cutest announcement anyone could possibly make for sharing with the world their joy, and though i am happy for them, once again, as i have stated in this blog 400 times, i am jealous and really just want to ignore the entire situation. I did manage to type two sentences and click send.
So, that's how i am doing today. Not good. depressed and feeling sorry for myself. The funny thing is that God has blessed me with so many things and in so many ways. It is really more of a slap in the face to Him than anything, i am sure, for me to be so down when He has done so much to bring me up. So today i am going to hold my head high, put a smile on my face, hold back the tears and remember all that the Lord HAS blessed us with: a beautiful home, an amazing marriage, great families, finances, friends, jobs, sight, ability to hear, i can walk, and most of all i have an oustanding support group that holds me up when i begin to fall.
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2 comments:
I'm glad that you have a place to express yourself. I'm here for you ALWAYS! I won't even leave a spiritual comment - cause you've heard and read it all, I'm sure. :) Hang in there and have a FABULOUS day! (you will now anyway that you heard from me...lol!!)
Kimberly, we have our days and moments where we are down..and it's OKAY to feel the way you feel. Your blog reminded me of that song by Shane and Shane..When I think about the Lord how he saved me how he raised me how he filled me with the holy ghost and he healed me to the outermost when I think about the Lord how he lifs me up and he sets me feet up on the ground...makes me wanna shout helleljuiah praise you jesus Lord your worthy of all the glory.....and so on.
It's in these moments where we learn to bring a sacrifice of praise to God. When we feel left out, hurt, depressed, down, angry, doubtuful...
You seem to be trying to have the right attidue and I commend you for that!
Ugh...I WILL NOT stop praying for you both!
I pray your days to come will be filled with laughter, joy, and the blessing of a family!
PS- please don't think I was preaching to you in this...I too needed a reminder of the sacrifice of praise.
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