Long Awaited Update

While it has been forever since I have blogged, the drama in no way has slowed down.
We are moving full steam ahead with Invitro and extremely nervous and fearful that it may not work, but excited about the possibility.

June 15, 2008 we finally decided on our doctor, Dr Silber, out of St Louis, MO. He is a short older man that mumbles when he talks, but he is truly adorable and has amazing background in medicine. We are trusting that if the procedure will work, he is the one to perform it on us. So we called his office, made our first downpayment (only 1/40th of what we will owe..literally) and scheduled our date for this fall.

They started me on birth control June 20 (Friday), as that was already day three into my cycle and Kyle and I were both nervous about this part as I have tried more than half a dozen birth controls and none of them have worked for me. However, we have done as instructed, taking the pill daily at the exact same time (6:30pm) and staying rather anal about being on time. My cycle ended within a few days on the pill (by Monday afternoon) so we were excited to see this was working, only to be let down with spotting by Tuesday evening.

Called the nurse Wednesday, who is sweet as can be and another reason that we chose this doctor, and she told me I am fine as long as it is not tampon-heavy (sorry if that is too much detail) or bright red. Well, of course Kyle and I aren't that lucky. Sunday morning I woke up to a large clot, but the rest of the day was rather calm and hardly any spotting. Again, we got our hopes up and felt like maybe my body was still just purging itself from previous cycle, but this morning (Monday, June 30) we woke up to the same problem, again. We are both rather stressed as this is an extremely expensive procedure and we fear that they won't be able to regulate me with birth control and this will either delay or prevent the procedure from occuring.

Our marriage is wonderful and we are truly blessed, but we would be lying if we didn't say that this process will either make or break a couple. We are doing our best to pull together during this time and trust in God for strength to make it through this. Our greatest desire to be parents is something that we are still having to realize may never come to be. So until then, until we get the answers needed, until we complete the procedure, go through all the testing and find out a positive yes we are pregnant, and until those nine months of carrying a child are complete, we are simply wishing, hoping, praying and clinging to hope that God will have mercy on us and bless us and make our family complete.

Expenses

We went into this knowing it would cost a lot of money but just got the breakdown from the people that we met with last week and it is about $10k more than we were expecting, per cycle. there are a lot of hidden costs and we apparently didn't realize that? It will be interesting to see if the doc we meet with next week is just as outrageous on cost.

I am feeling really stressed and overwhelmed at the entire thought of the finances and doing my best to not think about it, but within the past 20 minutes my head has begun pounding and i am just extremely overwhelmed. I will do whatever it takes to have a baby, but the financial part is rather scary.

i am hoping to talk with Jeri this week, a friend of a friend's that did invitro last year with the doc that we met last week. God is in control and knows what we need done and truly does not give us more than we can handle. i need to remember that continually.